who's back?

Guess who's back?

(name that tune? Anyone?)

Lucien has got to be the funniest 7 year old in the whole, wide world. Like Seriously, as he would say.

Actually, it would probably be "Like seriously, yo" which he thinks is about the funnest word in the whole world, along with butt and penis.

He gets in the car last week, and announces:

"Jason and are totally not friends any more mom"

Now, you have to understand, he does this thing where he cocks his head to the side, and nodds a little bit when he's talking about things he's very sure of, and sort of twists his mouth up.

So, since he, Jason and Travis are the bestest of friends "We like, even have our own club, yo", I asked him why?

"Because, he like, totally lies to me all the time. You know, like about important stuff".

Me: "Well, give me an example"

L: (picture 7 year old outrage) "He told me Lauren was CHEATING on me!"

At this point, I'm trying not to laugh because, really, cheating on your boyfriend in the second grade is seriously slutty, and Lauren's mom is a friend of mine. Plus, we've already started planning the wedding.

Me: "Do you know what cheating on someone means?"

L: (even more outrage) "Um YEAH mom...it's when you tell someone you're they're girlfriend, but really, you are someone ELSE'S girlfriend. Lauren has been MY girlfriend for like 2 years now. She used to make me hold her hand, when we first became boyfriend and girlfriend, but not so much anymore, because, you know, it's kind of hard to play with only one hand".

Me: Did you ask Lauren?

L: "Of course!" (if he could have said, "you bet your sweet ass I did", he totally would have).

She is totally faithful to the Lou-Kerplooey, and was seriously pissed that Jason tried to "break me and you up". So, she smacked the living shit out him, Jason got pissed, and now, they're like, totally not friends anymore.

We talked a little bit about friendship, and maybe Jason is jealous that Lucien likes to hang with Lauren too, etc. There is a lull in the conversation at this point, but as we're getting out of the car, he ever-so-brightly informs me:

"You know what Lauren and I have in common? We both totally love tacos. When we FINALLY go on our first real date, I'm totally taking her to the taco restaurant".

which is Taco Bell.

Update-schmupdate

So, I've had long, drawn-out posts, completely written in my head, but I think we all know how that works out in flying-monkey land.

So, to summarize, I'm fine.

I had lots of tests, some surgery, and started the pill.

I also added another layer to my freakish fertility.

I, apparently, only have one ovary.

Now, I would think that would mean a girl would only be like, half as fertile, right?

Apparently, my lonely little ovary, instead of, you know, taking every month off, as is her right, considering she's only supposed to be on-call every other month, decided to be the over-achiever in my life.

"Take some time off? I think not! What will she do, if she gets a month of worrying that she's knocked up again?"

I'm one of the laziest people I know, a proud under achiever, if you will, and I get the Ovary to kick the ass of everyone else's ovariES.

My BFF has been TTC for over 2 years, and when finding further evidence of my freakishness, already told me she has every intention of sleeping with The Man.

I told her she has my permission.

More later, I SWEAR (notice I just said "later") about my ridiculously hysterical kids, my hairscut, magnet school interviews, and my thoughts on the new CPSIA regulations, that currently, stand to put Bitchen Stitchen right the fuck out of business.

Wanna guess how much profanity that post will contain?

Hey, I'll give a prize to the person who guesses the closest to the number of times I'll use "fuck", or some derivative thereof, including, but not limited to: Fuckstick, fuckity, fuck balls, etc.

I'll make it something good, and swear not to look at the guesses before I finish the post.

Ooh...this is fun!

Guess!: B.Stitchen@gmail.com